music

music is the only thing there any more. the only thing that i can really count on being there always, 24/7.
to set my mood, etc.
music, and books.
but yeah..
i'm hoping to rekindle a few friendships
and such.
this week is gunna be crazy
cleaning, volunteering, that person coming to my house, and then going to nashville
i'm getting my hair cut and colored
the start of the "new" me
:) i'm really excited, man.
p.s. i got new shoes
pretty cool.

and no one's there for me tonight.

i need someone, badly.
i need to talk to someone
mostly, just her.
i'm hanging out with julianne tomorrow, i believe.
i'm excited. really excited. it'll be akward at first, for sure, but i hope it isn't too bad. i'm very excited.
i hurt. my insides do. i wish i didn't screw everything up. i am heading towards a breakdown, and no one will be there.
i feel like crying.
i'm ripping apart on the inside.
please, someone, give me help and support.

this is me saying words that i actually mean.

i hurt. everywhere. my throat, my ________, my body, my heart.
i hate trying so hard, to make something work
it makes me exhasted, and at the end of the day, i get nothing accomplished.
horse track today. churchill downs. i am not up for it though. i hurt, way to bad.
oh well.
bye.

back to the beginning

i'm freaking depressed
reading your blog made me depressed
wanting to be YOUR best friend again.
wanting that giddy feeling all over.
want to be the ONE you want to make happy
not HER.
wanting to be the one you wait for the all
the letters. the one you USED to love
remember me? I'm still here. I'm
trying damn hard.


my mom chose the wrong day to say i have another doctor to go to, two mri's, bloodwork, AND a ultrasound. i'm flipped out. what if i have cancer?!?!? i won't be able to handle it anymore. I'm not that strong.

I can't keep fighting these urges to stop doing that one thing.
it drains me, every day. one day, i'm gunna do it, but worse
than i ever have.

blah. not in a good mood today. a foreshadow of things to come?

kate

The secret handshake, we the kings, and cobra starship. wow.

so the concert last night was AMAZING. it was seriously like the best time that I have probably have ever ever ever. and i don't freaking care the people out there that i KNOW are going to be like "well, if you don't REALLY like them, then why did you go and stuff? you're just one of those people that know that one song from that one time" you know what, i don't care. a girl is entitled to go out, and have a good time. especially a girl like me who rarely goes out and does stuff like this. so anyway. here's the story.

alright, so i almost didn't even go. but thank god for candice not answering her phone, ahah. cause if she did, i wouldn't of gone.

so the line was REDICULOUS. so long. I should have gotten there earlier. anyway. so while in line, i was just looking at people and just admiring their style or whatever. a lot of people had cool hair. and then the tour buses are like RIGHT THERE. and we definitely say travis with out a shirt. yeah. he's so hot. hahaha. what can i say, i have a thing for redheads. hah. so yeah, we finally get in, and when we do, the "preshow" band i guess was playing. i think their name was delux? idk. so yeah, The Secret Handshake was so freaking amazing. I can't believe that I hadn't heard of them before last night. the intro was amazing. it was Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" and then like, it went into a song, hahah.

then, after that, they were setting up and such. i felt like a freaking idiot, cause I had no idea what any of the band members, of any group (except gabe from cobra starship) looked like. haah. and then yeah, we the kings came out. i felt bad, cause travis was sick. but then he was like "does anyone know cpr?" and everyone raised their hand. and then he was like, if i need cpr, just come up on stage... then we can make out. ahahha. he kept on talking about making out. god, i wouldn't mind with that boy. hahh. anyway, it was freaking hot. he said it was their hottest show ever, hahah. and then yeah. uhm.... he was like "who feels like death!!" and "we should all throw up in a bucket, and then toss it all over the crowd. then everyone would smell real nice" hahah. anyway, it was amazing, and i definitely have fell in love with them.

next... cobra freaking starship
wow. they were amazing. gabe is my new love. seriously. haah. they started out with the city is at war. i think gabe's in love with that one girl, victoria or something. haha, she looked a little high or something the whole time. ahah, oh well. so yeah, i can't remember the set up of this or anything, ahha. but he was amazing, and every time he reached down to like slap a hand, all these people would like be grabbing all over him. haha. i tried to wave to him, so he'd wave back.. but it didn't work. =/ oh well. it was SO good.

after the show, i went upstairs to this like.. balcony thing, and met the singer of TSH (luis) and travis. i went up there before the encore of Cobra Starship, and the encore was guilty pleasure, and i danced with the boys for WTK. but yeah, i met Luis and Travis(who smelled amazing. i told him that) but yeah. it was the best time ever, and i'm glad i went, even with today, when my ears are STILL ringing, and i can barely walk. oh well, you know? it's a day i'll remember for a long time, and I can't wait to go back for BLG and Metro Station July 6.

I've been in a weird mood lately...

I don't know what's going on.
Everything's been freaking me out.
I'm on edge.
I get irrated easily.


But, then again, I'm in an amazing mood
Getting things done.
Feeling productive.
Reading like crazy.

I think I read, because when I do... I'm in no pain. I have no thoughts. No fears. Nothing. It takes me to the world of the person that I'm reading about. I focus on them, instead of me. And... I like that.

Hmmm... music lately.
A lot of variety of things.
New music from Michelle. (I wonder how her non-date is going..)
New music from utorrent.
Just I don't know.
I think I'm living life to the fullest, considering..

Alright, that's it for now.

Bye.

New :]

Yeah, so I've been wanting one of these for a while, and I guess yeah, since I don't have a livejournal anymore, I'll have to get used to this. I like this though.


I've been reading a lot lately. Nothing inparticular, nothing that has really *strickin* me, but just reading.. I don't know. I'm just trying to figure stuff out that I've done, and stuff. Trying to figure out who I am. Rebuilding friendships. Starting over.

It's summer! And I'm loving every minute of it. Volunteering, going on long walks, talking to people. Enjoying life, man. Because, you know, life's to short to go through half ass. You have to give it your all, even when you don't feel like going through it.

Wow, I guess I'm feeling inspirational. I don't know.

Well, that's all for now I guess.

Later.